How to explain emetophobia to others

This week's post addresses a problem that I hear a lot from people - "how do I tell my parents/friends/people in my life about my emetophobia without seeming stupid?". Many of us have had at least one sub-optimal experience when it comes to opening up about emetophobia, and it can be easy to let that dissuade you from speaking to anyone else about it. However, speaking to others in your life about your emetophobia can make things so much easier for you and them! Opening up about it can be a really scary thing, and it's often difficult to work out how to go about it, so I thought I'd write a bit about some things that I personally have found helpful.

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1) Plan what you're going to say.

It's a good idea to think about what you want to say if you're nervous! You can even write it down to make sure you don't forget anything. I personally used to rehearse my first sentence (i.e. introducing the idea of the phobia), and then I just kept in mind some other things that I'd like to touch on if the conversation continued past that point. You can't know how the other person will react (some of my friends just went "okay!", others asked questions about what exactly it was, what it's like to have it, and how they could help - both types of responses were equally lovely!), so there's no point in meticulously planning an entire script, but it is a good idea to have a vague idea of things you'd like to draw on.

For example, I decided on saying "I have emetophobia, which is a phobia of being s*ck - I know it sounds like nothing, but it's much, much more than just a fear, and it massively affects my life every single day and made me very ill when I was younger". It's a sentence that I still sometimes use if I'm talking to someone that I don't know very well, like my tutor at uni! I then thought of a few more things that I'd be happy to talk about in relation to it - for example, the ways that it affects my life, and websites that I could tell people about if they were still confused.

2) Use resources such as websites if you need/want to.

A really common problem when telling someone about emetophobia for the first time is that they massively underestimate what you're telling them. This can be a problem with friends, but most importantly parents too - I get lots of messages from people whose parents just don't understand how bad it is, or don't believe that it's a real problem. I'm fortunate enough to never have had to deal with my parents not believing me (they saw first hand the devastating effects emetophobia had on me as a child), but I think the best way of solving this issue is to show them resources that prove that emetophobia is a real thing. It can also be helpful to point people in the direction of these resources if they do believe you, but want to know more. Here are some ideas:

• Mind's page on phobias - this is a really good guide, and it includes a section specifically for family and friends!

• OCD UK's page on emetophobia - warning, there is a potentially triggering image of a cartoon face that looks like it's about to be s*ck.

• Time to Change blog post from someone who suffers with emetophobia - this provides an insight into what life is like for emetophobes.

• Scientific papers like this one - it just proves that this is a condition so prevalent and problematic that people are spending money researching it.

• Emetophobia Instagram accounts, like mine! It can sometimes be helpful to show people emetophobia accounts - it proves that there are many people who have emetophobia, and also gives an insight into life as an emetophobe. (Also, if they have any questions, they can message us! I'm more than happy for friends/family of emetophobes to contact me, and it always warms my heart to see that someone cares enough about their loved one to ask for tips on how to help them.)

3) Think about ways in which the person you're telling can help you.

Telling people actual things that they can do to help you are great both for you and them. For you, it means that they'll be able to better support you with your phobia, and for them, it removes the uncertainty/fear of not knowing what to do. Even if they don't totally understand your phobia, if you give them a list of things that will help you (for example how to help you when you're anxious, making modifications to your life (e.g. eating out less)) they will most likely follow that list as best as they can.

4) Be prepared for a less than ideal response.

For someone who doesn't have a phobia (or a similar anxiety disorder), learning about them for the first time can be strange! They are quite likely to massively underestimate the impact that it has on your life. As a result, they may not be quite as supportive or sensitive as you'd like at first. This doesn't mean that they don't believe you, or that they're bad people - they just might not be very good at bearing your phobia in mind yet! My family definitely grew better at supporting me over the years as they learned more of my behaviours and triggers through seeing me in different situations, and now they're great at dealing with any stressful situations and accommodating my needs. My friends have responded similarly - some of them 'got it' from the outset, but most of them didn't. However, over the last 5 or so years since I opened up about it, they've tried hard to be understanding and now they are absolutely amazing at supporting me in triggering situations. I genuinely can't put into words just how brilliant they are - I couldn't have asked for better friends! So don't despair if the people you're close with don't understand at first - give them time, and they'll likely get there.

5) Practice!

This is less of a tip, and more a statement of reassurance - the more people you open up to about your phobia, the easier it gets! I started off by telling only a couple of my best friends, but then slowly mentioned it to more of my friends until the whole group knew. I also told a few of my teachers when triggers occurred in classes and they spotted my reaction. Then, when I started going to parties, I would tell people there if someone was/was about to be ill and I needed to get out of the situation/didn't want someone being ill near me. Now, I'm more than happy to talk about it to pretty much anyone! Every time you tell someone about it, you get better at phrasing what you want to say and it gets less nerve-wracking. I promise!

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A final note, before I sign off on this post - you should never feel embarrassed about your phobia. I remember a day when I was sat in class, and I'd had a really anxiety-inducing day emetophobia-wise. Several people in Sixth Form had gone home because they'd been s*ck, and one of them was someone that had been in one of my classes that morning. As you can imagine, I was extremely anxious and unfortunately not able to hide it very well. At the end of the class, my biology teacher, Ms C (who is a very matter of fact person!), kept me behind and asked me what was wrong. I told her about my phobia, but I really didn't want to - I felt completely pathetic, as I knew that she was such a rational, direct person and I expected her to think that it was stupid. But, to my relief, she gave a response that has stayed with me ever since (for all the right reasons!):

"Oh, well that's not ridiculous at all - don't be silly! Phobias are a recognised and well-researched condition. You can't help what stimuli your brain decides deserves a fight-or-flight response. Let me know if there's anything I can ever help with, and I hope you feel better soon."

It was the perfect response - she didn't even blink, and without hesitation, she validated it, accepted the information, and moved on. To this day, if I'm ever feeling pathetic for having a phobia, I remember her words and remind myself that it's not my fault. If one of the most straightforward, scientific, and intelligent women that I've ever met decided that it's valid and not a big deal, then who am I to question that?!

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I hope that this post is helpful - as always, if anyone wants to talk more about this topic (or just chat in general!), please do DM me on instagram (@emetophobia_help) or email emetophobia.alice@gmail.com. Remember, you've got this!

~ Alice