Tips for eating in restaurants

This week’s post is about eating out. I don’t know about anyone else, but one of the hardest things for me to overcome in my emetophobia journey was the extreme anxiety and nausea I would get when I had to eat unfamiliar food in an unfamiliar place. Although I can’t say that I’m 100% over it, I can now mostly eat out with minimal anxiety – and, more importantly, even when I get stomach aches or start to feel hot, I can manage from moment to moment without the rise of panic that usually accompanies it. So, here are some of my tips & tricks for eating out!

1) Bring comforting items with you.

• I ALWAYS bring mints with me when I’m eating out (yes, even now – I even sneak them in my bag when I go to formal dinners at college!). Knowing that they’re there helps me to feel a little safer, and if I get any nausea they help to make me feel better while also giving me a familiar taste to concentrate on.

• Fidget toys may also help to distract you.

• If you get overwhelmed easily by the noise of restaurants, headphones and your phone/ipod can be really helpful. Download some ambient music/music that you find comforting before you go, and if things get too loud you can plug in and zone out.

• I also sometimes bring a small spray bottle of lavendar water with me – if the smells get too overwhelming/I need to reset myself, I can go to the bathroom and spray it on myself.

2) Order tap water along with your other drinks.

• Most places will likely offer water for the table anyway, but if they don’t, either ask for it yourself or make sure someone else asks (if you’re scared of asking for things in restaurants, like me!!).

• Sipping water (especially if it’s cold) is a really great way to rinse your mouth, cool you down, and ground you.

• I also used to press my hands/wrists on the glass (if it was cold) and then press my hands to my face/neck to help cool myself down!

3) Look at menus before you go, if possible.

• Being prepared and choosing what I’ll order before I even get to the restaurant was a game changer for me in terms of anxiety. If you know where you’re planning to eat, try to find the menu online and at least have a look.

• I used to specifically look for foods that seemed the least stress-inducing/familiar for me, but sometimes I’d also choose an “if I get there and I’m feeling okay, I’ll take a chance and pick this” option.

• For me, this meant that I could avoid the feeling of tear-pricking overwhelm when you’re in a loud restaurant and looking at a huge, daunting menu (especially if the meals have fancy titles/have posh or weird ingredients in etc!).

• I still do this now, despite being less anxious about eating out than I used to be! I’m a very indecisive person, so it helps to have a vague plan before going in so I don’t have to make a choice under pressure.

4) Take toilet breaks whenever you need to.

• I’m sure lots of you already do this (I know I certainly did!), but going to the toilet can honestly be the best thing you can do when you feel yourself starting to get stressed.

• The toilets are usually cooler, quieter and more calming than the main restaurant.

• Sit and breathe for a few minutes – I also find that running my hands & wrists under cold water helps!

• Remember – you can take as many toilet breaks as you need! I always used to be scared to take more than one in case people thought I was ‘weird’, but realistically the people you’re dining with won’t care.

5) Take a breather outside the restaurant if you need to.

• Sometimes fresh air really is the best cure for anxiety! There’s no shame in heading out to get some air – have a small stroll, or just stand outside for a bit.

• If you don’t want people to be weird about it, you can always say that you’re answering a phone call (I’ve used that excuse before!).

• I also find that standing up and having a stroll can help any stomach pain/nausea, which helps to remove a trigger.

6) If you feel able to, let other diners know that eating out can be stressful for you.

• My family never really ate out (and still don’t really!) because of my phobia, but when we did it was a bit of a comfort to know that my mum knew how stressful things could be for me. She always made sure to sit next to me, and I knew that if I went mute (which used to happen quite a lot when we would eat out) or did anything ‘strange’, she would deal with it well.

• It also helps to have someone there who can explain things to others in your absence if needed – for example, if I went to the toilet for the third time in a meal and people started to notice, I know my mum would have explained it to the rest of the family (“eating out is a bit stressful for her, but everything’s fine”).

• You can also prep people with what to say to others if you leave the table etc, which is helpful!

7) If you feel yourself beginning to get stressed, BREATHE.

• If you’re sat down and feel your anxiety levels start to spike, begin breathing in for four counts through your nose, holding it for two counts, and breathing out for six counts through your nose or mouth.

• This should help to ground you and stop anxiety in its tracks.

8) Don’t feel guilty about making adjustments that are helpful for you.

• Every emetophobe is different, and everyone will find different things helpful when eating out.

• I personally ‘get funny’ (as my sister describes it) about where I sit in a restaurant. Sometimes it doesn’t really matter, but other times I have to be sat in a specific spot or I start to freak out.

• If you have a specific adjustment that needs to be made, make it! Especially if you’re with people you know well, you can always explain to them beforehand which things are helpful/unhelpful for you so they’re prepared for it before you get to the restaurant.

• I never really explained it to my family, but after a week of me making everyone move places in every restaurant/diner we stopped at on our America road trip, they all learned to just let me choose where to sit first!

That’s pretty much it for my main tips! Honestly, eating out wasn’t really something I was able to tackle well until university when I suddenly had to eat formal dinners and go out with friends regularly. Which just goes to show that practice makes perfect! The more you eat out, the less stressful it will eventually become.

I hope some of these tips help! If you have any other tips that you find helpful, please add them in the comments so that others can see them.

~ Alice